Saw II.....Same Movie Higher Body Count

Yes it has more of a budget and it even had more cast members minus the expendable and stupid plot device of Danny Glover.

Saw II was essentially the same movie. It had lots of quick cuts to disguise the lack of action on screen. They really tired me out after awhile and I was yawning about half way though the devious devices that the writers conjured up for the new group of victims.

The best aspect of this was seeing a New Kid get what was coming to him:)

Anytime that happens I'm a happy camper! First Jordan Knight makes a idiot of himself on Surreal Life and next Donny gets a lackluster film career:) Life is good!

5-4 The Predators Are Rolling!

Yes!

My team took second place in the league this week. For the first time this season they scored over 50 points and are riding a nice winning streak. I'm probably going to have to replace Dom Davis though, I believe he could be injured for the duration. We'll see.

Anyway second place is in the money and they are starting to earn their keep....just a little bit.

blugill: year one

Yes my friends it has been one year since I started writing my blog. I started writing in one of the worst months in my life and didn't put a lot of what was really going on in my original Crossroads post.

However it is time to take stock of my surroundings and to see where I've come and where I'm going. I've shared a lot of things that I couldn't or wouldn't share without the anonymous nature of the net with a lot of strangers who will either never meet me or could care less about meeting me and quit reading after only a post or two.

For those of you who have stuck with reading my trite ramblings, a sincere heartfelt thank you. For those of you who are new, welcome! I hope you enjoy reading about my personal and public life such as it is.

Alright, anyone who knows me knows that my nick is blugill, no "e". I made that up myself and here is the story behind it for my one year anniversary story.

Way back in the mid 90's when the net was expensive and 33.6 was brand new along with the new Intel 200 mhz processor I got my first pc. I had a friend who had a pc for a little while and he was telling what to do and stuff to do online. So he was telling me about this chat software called Pirch and then he spelled it for me so that I would know what to look for. Me being a newly minted newb had no idea what he was talking about and misunderstood. I thought he was telling me his name in some obscure chat room and that his nick was Pirch.

So I thought long and hard and came up with my own fish name and modified it without the "e" so that he would recognize me in this obscure chatroom that never existed since I misunderstood the whole thing from the get go.

So I made it up while my newly customized pc, complete with 16 megs of ram and my 2 gig hard drive was being built.

blugill or blu, the trendy way to pronounce it has become my nick and my alternate online personality.

Not quite as glamourous as it sounds I know and sort of a let down, I'm sorry to say.

I have it on ICQ and if you doubt me, my blugill number is lower than any imposter blugill out there....yeah I've actually run across a few people out there who have used the name or registered it on some app or some game. No big deal, afterall I'm the originator and I know who thought of what:)

Now here is some surprise good news!

I have a DVD copy of Locker sitting right beside me!

Saturday was a big day! My producer and I finished the cover and made a ISO copy of the finished version!

What does that mean?

Well it means that now I will have the much promised DVD copies to send out this week! A couple of tweaks on the cover and we can start duplicating them and the DVD itself!

And then my very hardworking cast will get their real copies that they have been so very patiently awaiting! I can't thank them enough for their patience and I hope they will be very happy with their performances cause it is going out to a few distributors who showed interest in the movie as well as the film festivals that it has been sent to!

So after this past year am I better off now than when I started writing my blog?

I'm a work in progress and it isn't as relative a question or as simple as I would like it to be....I don't know when I could answer that question and I don't know if I should. I can tell you that this past year had some very hard things to go through and some things I accomplished that I never thought I could.

I think that if this past year was any indication, anyone who is around me and can bear to be around me for long is in for a wild ride in year two!

Am I writing a new project? Nothing I have worked on so far on paper is really working yet but something will....and that will be my new project which will be better than Locker, I promise....and I hope you will be with me during every step like you were for Locker and all of the other musings I have posted:)

So....let's get started!

The Second Best Internet Only Show

The Dan and Scott show. Who?

Dan Schulz and Scott Wirkus, the comedy show duo who pioneered uncensored comedy radio. They started with Radiofun.com, moved to Talkspot.com, which also hosted the best internet only show, the Karen Kay show, I just don't have any archives from her show to post but I am on her yahoo group email list:) Then the boys moved to Hitthebeach.com which was a diaster before landing finally at eyada.com.

Eyada and Talkspot were tragic and before their time. When 56K was standard and ISDN was broadband but very expensive.

Today when broadband is commonplace and very inexpensive interactive web shows would do very well.

First of all allow me to explain what these shows were. Uncensored and unleashed, they are the First Amendment in all of its glory. Freedom of speech never had it so good!

The government could do nothing to fine or censor these networks, much like Sirius or XM. The only difference was that this was interactive!

You had a web cam on the host while there was a chat room that the fans and the hosts were in as well. You as a fan had some bearing on the direction of the show.

So the context of this would be that years before Sirius hired Howard Stern and made a huge deal about uncensored radio, these shows ruled the net! Unfortunately only though dialup which lead to lagging bandwidth problems and connectivity.

Podcasts are good but not interactive. Chat rooms are cool but after a while they can bore you a bit. Webcams are fun but they are like chat rooms after a while. Add all three together and you had magic!

I have over a hundred Dan and Scott shows which I have uploaded to a third party site called Rapidupload.com and I feel that it is a good time to post these links to share the magic that was....and maybe inspire another company to take a chance and take interactive radio to the next step!

I personally feel that the dialup timing was bad and coupled with a lack of marketing, these networks just never found the audience and never fulfilled the potential that is still there!

I hope you enjoy the shows, some of the files are large, around 300 megs but they are worth it!

D&S1
D&S2
D&S3
D&S4
D&S 5
D&S 6
D&S 7
D&S 8
D&S Final

Wow....I'm Tired!

Today started off like any other normal day around my shop. Well everything except one bizarre thing that has been happening lately....my supervisor who I've written about before has turned over a Dr. Jeckyll leaf lately.

He has gone out of his way to be nice to everyone. Don't know what is up but the last time he was this way he was in the middle of a divorce. Don't know what is up this time but we'll see. He is still as hyper as ever and really has problems keeping a train of thought longer than three seconds.

Anyway, there I am at work. I brought my PSP and Star Wars: Battlefront 2 game to work because I knew it was going to be slow.

Well it seemed like it until I got home and it hit me.

I had done a ton of shop work and did some outside work. I did all of that and played multiple games of Star Wars and really got the hang of it after getting it only yesterday:)

I'm tired! I was in a good mood all day long and the day went quickly:)

Then the power went out! Yeppers my friends, the power went out at work! Which gave me about another half hour of on the clock PSP time!

Not a bad day at all!

Well I Won!!!!

Yes the Predators came through last night!

I won my heads up match 52-51 and took third place this week in the league! That means I won my weekly fee back!

This moves me to .500 this season and moving up the ranks.

Locker news? Yeah a little bit!

I have contacted some distribution companies and have heard back from a few of them requesting screeners!

I am feverishly working to get a screener ready to start sending!

Halloween And Week 8 Results

It has Halloween and I had no trick or treaters. I went out and bought two bags of candy, had the Jack-O-Lantern that was carved last week on the front porch and burning in all its glory and no one saw it or came by for trick or treating....

I don't know if I should be disappointed or happy. yes it is disheartening that no one came to partake of my Halloween goodies, however as a sad sign of the times maybe it is better that responsible parents are taking their children to the houses of people that are known by the family instead of the friendly strangers who never would harm anyone anyway.

However there are always those twisted idiots out there who would love nothing more than to lace a snickers with a cut razor. Sick. Anyone who knows me knows I have no sympathy for someone who would harm a child like that.

Well in fantasy football news I score the most amount of points all season long and the kicker of the week's opponent scores 21 by himself!

Yeah 21 points!

I'm headed for defeat tonight, I can tell already. I have the Steeler's D and Special Teams going and am down by 4 points.

The Steeler's need to get at least 16 points for me to get into the money for the week. We'll see but I'm not holding my breath!

Week 8, Saturday Poker, Minor Locker News and Filmmaking!

Week 8 is upon my team. My best WR in Marvin Harrison is on a bye this week and I'm head's up with one of the best teams in the league this season.

I do not feel good about today's matchup to say the least!

Yesterday was Saturday and there was a poker tournament at a friends house. Out of the sixteen people who committed to show up five did and played. I got first which paid a handsome $70! Yeaaa Me!

After the tournament I called Locker's producer and took the film to him to update the opening credits. They look much better but still kept the simple black and white from the film fest screeners I sent out. I'm partial to simplicity:)

That reminds me of Wednesday night and I don't know why I didn't have a post about this but I'll do it now! Wednesday evening I met with my photographer friend and we carved pumpkins into jack-o-lanterns! Now this was the first time I have done this since I was a kid! It was a good time and I kind of got under her skin a little bit when I wanted to trade her pumpkin for mine. Obviously hers looked much better and mine....well didn't look good.

Anyway I had a great time this week!

Alright, I Admit It!

I have been watching the World Series on commercial breaks.

Anyone who knows me knows that I've been bitter since the strike year that killed the Fall Classic years ago.

My interest was first rekindled....in the very slightest amount possible....with last year's improbable Red Sox victory. Now with the other Sox looking to answer back it has again made me take notice...enough to watch the occasional inning.

Yes MLB still has a ton of problems like Balco Barry and a whole swarm of players that scurry away like 'roid roaches when the light of suspension starts to shine.

If baseball wants to be serious about the game and start to repair years of damage they need to make taking steroids as the crime it is and start putting players in prison or giving them years of community service.

Still it won't matter, baseball's best game still pales in comparison on a NFL Sunday! The NFL has taken over as the national pastime. It is no secret and hasn't been for years now.

The MLB is probably still third place but only because America really doesn't like Hockey, Soccer, or any other sport that doesn't involve action and games ending in ties. The NHL cut its own throat by striking so long that what little interest there was in the States really was snuffed out and now the NHL can be only seen on the Outdoor Life Network. At least the NCAA caught onto the fact that fans hate ties and fixed the problem with the addition of overtime in football.

Soccer will never do that and Soccer will never be big in the States. That doesn't mean we are less educated in the nuances of the game or the beauty of the motion...we just don't care. We don't care if you burn down your entire city or riot yourselves deep into the night for some unknown to us rivalry that we will never get or understand. We don't care if it is the "World's Game"....it's only because the rest of the world will never like American Football....we like it that way, leave it alone, its our game.

The NBA hasn't been the same since King Jordan retired the second time and took everything interesting about the game with him and leaving a bunch of spoiled punks in his very classy wake.

That leaves Nascar. No other sport has the top players going head to head in one place every week. Most everyone adopts a favorite driver and dons the team colors or has someone they kind of like if they see a few races. It is just a natural sport to pick someone from the crowd and root for them!

NFL and Nascar! God Bless America!

Two In A Row....Its Called A Streak!

My team has now crawled up to a 3-4 record. Scoring nearly 40 points I soundly defeated the Outlaws to get to nearly .500 on the season!

Good?
No.
Bad?
Yes.
Conclusions?
More homework required for next year's draft!

There is some Locker news!
Tribeca film festival contacted me and said that I needed to send them a new tape, the one they had was blank!

So I have packaged one up and will send it tomorrow:)

I hope that they watch it and are still patient with me and the USPS! I think, hope it will get there by Friday if not Saturday!

No Locker News And Week 7

Yep, week 7. After eeking out a victory in week 6, the Predators are seeking another win. The owner (me) isn't holding his breath. I'd be amazed if my 2-4 team cobbles together 20 points.

Carson Palmer will have a tough time against the Pitt D (whom I also own) but Marvin Harrison has the potential to have double digit TDs against the Houston D! Yeah I know, wishful thinking but I fully expect Manning to hit Harrison on every single pass today and a 1,500 yard day with 16-18 TDs by the time the fourth quarter ends.

That is about the only way I'm going to be competetive this year in the league.

I was really wanting to write something snazzy and clever today but I think I'm all clevered out this morning. My lava lamp has been on for about twenty minutes and is about ready to get to bubbling.

I've been going over many movie ideas lately but there isn't a lot that is sticking unless you add a budget. Then I can do more than just have a single location shoot and it opens up a lot of ideas.

We'll see what happens:)

I'm 2-4 Now

Yes my friends, I won this week. I was middle of the pack overall but my team did manage to win the head's up.

Proud?

I'm still looking forward to next season....

Week 6

This morning I'm going with a starting lineup of:
Carson Palmer: My lone star this season
Dom Davis: disapointing is a understatement
Mewelde Moore: still a unknown quantity but hopefully a decent pickup
Marvin Harrison: Oh Marvin. I had him his rookie season and a couple of years in between then and now. He and I have been through a lot together, hopefully he pulls it together.
Keyshawn: A surprising pickup and is putting together some good games but not enough with no one else helping him out.
Jerry Porter: Could play better if he would catch a ball every now and again.
Kaeding and the Steelers D

So again if I break it into the double digits I'd be not really happy since my team ranking is just south of horrible but I'm already looking forward to next season!

I Have Just Seen The Future Of Buffy!!!!

And now she is called Veronica Mars.

Not exactly Buffy, but this has got to be one of the best ten shows on TV in the past ten years!

I can't really give a ton of details since I have a strong distaste for spoilers so I stick to the generals so Smart, Funny, Dramatic and Dark will have to cover it....that and the best writing since the Joss Whedon Did TV days. All of this despite a thankfully brief appearance by Paris Hilton.

The Shield and Deadwood are still among the tops however Veronica Mars deserves a place among your TV on DVD collection....a high place.

As a side note Francis Capra is among the stellar cast....oh? Unfamiliar with the Capra name? Frank Capra, Francis Capra's Great Grandfather, was perhaps among the greatest of directors, not only of the golden era but of all time.

Anyone who knows me knows I'm an emotional guy who actually sheds tears during emotional scenes. Scenes that really effect me on a deep level will have me drying my eyes. Nah, I'm secure enough that I don't care who knows, I'm trying to get a point across. Any director who can have that effect upon me has my respect and admiration....Frank Capra was the best.

My Funnily Shaved Cat

I noticed a odd smell coming from one of my cat's mouth the other day. I immediately started looking for something for bad cat breath. Then I decided to look and see that maybe there might be a small animal or perhaps a rotting smurf in his mouth that was causing this bad smell.

I opened his mouth and I could tell that his gum around his right incisor was inflamed and very swollen. I called the vet and got him an appointment to have him looked at. The vet explained to me that sometimes a cat will lose his "killing teeth" but it was nothing that I had done or his diet and nothing had happened to him.

I found that to be amazing since he is only about three years old.

So I have my sister-in-law drop him off at the vet so he can now have his teeth pulled. Since he is an indoor cat the vet said he won't need those teeth anyway.

So I get to the vet to pick up my groggy defanged pet kitty! I get him home and put tuna on his nose and on my other cat's nose to help with the smooth transition of reintroducing cat one to cat two.

In the past this has proven to be a slight ordeal of hissing and running. The tuna helps because now neither cat smells like a vet. Since cats appear to have the memory span of a potato and would completely forget that they the other cat was their brother/sister and had lived their whole lives together, anything over a couple of hours and all of a sudden the cat left in the house has taken over EVERYTHING.

The other cat has been completely purged from the memory, hence the hissing and running. When they smell the same, it is like magic!

So I get my cat home and properly smelling like tuna when I notice his from legs....they have two shaved spots on them!!!! He has two shaved spots on his two front legs! It looks hilarious! I mean I hate to laugh in a situation like this but it is so funny!!!!

My shaved cat....

Serenity And Desperate Hous......Filmmakers

I purchased Desperate Housewives and saw Serenity the other day so that I would have something to do on my holiday weekend! Well that and I did some boredom eating...

First Serenity fulfilled the promise of the series which was cut short by about six and a half seasons. It was a great series and if there is nothing else done with the series then Serenity will serve as a well done farewell. Basically a show set in the distant future with a touch of the old west. It had everything that made a series great and then some!

Desperate Housewives....well now there is a completely different type of series but just as enjoyable. I would say as far as drama tinged with comedy the best comparison would be Six Feet Under. Now there is a great show! But this is about Desperate Housewives. This show has drama, comedy, a tinge of soap opera, and some chick flick. I found myself laughing out loud at some moments when I was familiar with the characters!

There are some moments of comic mastery here! There are some dark moments that rival Six Feet Under as well! It is a fine balancing act that both shows seem to follow well!

Well by now I'm sure that my starting kicker has probably stubbed his big toe and won't be able to hit a field goal if his life depended on it.

Yep....Week 5

Eleven points.

My kicker is going tonight but if this week stays true to yesterday he should break his ankle in warmups.

Well It Is Week 5

We shall see how my team performs today but believe me, I don't have high hopes. If they get into double digits I would be happy.

I have already accepted the fact that I'm going to have to pay for the whole season at ten bucks a week. My team just doesn't seem interested in helping out and winning some money back.

There are some good games happening though, New England vs. Atlanta and tomorrow night Pittsburgh vs. San Diego. My QB, Carson Palmer, has a chance to rip apart Jacksonville's D tonight while Marvin Harrison, my ace WR, can dismantle the San Francisco D.

What is going to happen though?
Palmer will get hurt in the shower this morning while Harrison will sprain a toe in pre-game warmups and neither will play.

Well on the positive side, Bonnie Bernstein and Jillian Barberie were both looking pretty hot and perky today.

Happy Friday!!!!

I'm home today and there is a story behind that, so here goes!

This past Monday letters went out to season ticket holders for the Storm to come and pick out our seats today. The Storm is the local semi-pro basketball team. I've been a season ticket holder since year one.

So yesterday, Thursday, the coach called one of us and said that Friday is going to be packed with people and that we could come in the afternoon before and pick our seats. Well by that time I had already put in a leave slip and had my leave approved for Friday so that I could pick out our three seats. Even though it was unnecessary to take off now, I did it anyway:)

Heck it is a four day weekend now!

Small things in life like this bring me happiness:)

My Trip

Recently I have heard a song (Photograph by Nickleback)that inspired me to pick up my high school yearbooks and take a trip back down memory lane.

Man I did some stupid things.

I looked at the pictures and wondered who that person was and now here I am seventeen years removed from those times. Some were good, actually it is odd but I don't know why I remember the good things instead of the bad things.

I know there were bad times. Times that I really didn't like, some I regretted, some when I look back and saw how heartless or mean I could be. And now here I am, worn down by life and I look back and see how brash and sometimes arrogant I was. Here is the lowdown.

My family had a restaurant that I worked in from middle school until I was a senior when we closed it. Times were pretty rough for a while. I had a paper route in the early mornings. So I started driving when I was fourteen.

The town cop let me as long as I kept it under control but I can't tell you how many times I got stuck because I thought it'd be fun to take my pinto station wagon through a long stretch of mud or a snowbank and what do you know, there was a ditch under there!

Yeah, stupid was my middle name. I rebelled a lot at school but my grades were good enough to get the honor roll. I was a football player and weight lifter. I decided early to learn a skill so that I could make ends meet while I was a struggling rock star....

So I learned how to paint cars. I went to college and dropped out and painted cars again. I worked painting cars and tractors after that for twenty dollars a day. I painted aircraft and then worked for a cable company, got laid off there and got my current job. Thirteen years later here I am.

I have finally figured out what I'm good at and what I want to do.

I was at the ten year reunion and was pretty happy to see the people I came of age with. There is something about the high school years that just imprint you.

I see a couple of people occasionally who are still in town or who have moved back.
I have friends that I dearly love.
Some that I have brief sentences with that I just can't relate to anymore.
Some I'd love to have long conversations with but haven't seen in years.

Yeah I know, "Don't live in the past".

I don't....but it is nice to take a trip back and remember where you came from. To remember what you had a burning passion for then and compare it with what you desire now.

To compare you before you took a few of life's beat downs. While you still had rough edges but you thought you were the pinnacle of humanity...you had the world by the tail. What you didn't know is that the world tolerated you...that it had seen better and badder and survived them too.

I thought I was so brilliant back then and now what I had in book learning I lacked in experience and wisdom. Only time can give you that so when you hear that youth is wasted on the young...Believe it.

I'm sorry...this rant has been brought to you by my memories and if you are still awake and reading, kudos to you, you are my hero!

Poker Night

And I got nearly cleaned out of about twenty dollars. Yeah, it wasn't serious. We were playing dealer's choice with a quarter limit with three raises.

It was a lot of fun though!

Anyway while playing the game was on tv and I'm pretty certain I saw my photographer friend prowling the sidelines in search of this week's front page football shots!

My stupid leaky roof didn't get fixed...I put five gallons of tar in the area where I was sure the leak was vming from but nnnnnnooOOOOOOooooo, that didn't fix it. So now I'm going to have my brother come over here and spray water on the roof while I am inside to see when the leak starts. That should narrow down the leak and allow for a smooth fix!

I'm dropping a RB and a WR. Yep, that's right! De'Shaun Foster and Donte Stallworth are gone! I want to pick up Mewelde Moore and Brandon Lloyd. Hopefully they can score more than what my current players are doing....which isn't a lot.

Now what does this have to do with filmmaking? Pretty much nothing, it's my blog:)

Well as a small update, I got Moore and missed out on Lloyd.

I'm Off Work Today!

Yes!

It is probably going to be a four day weekend!

I have scheduled my vehicle into the shop to have some work done to it. I don't think it will take long but work is very slow right now and they are encouraging us to take off.

You don't have to ask me twice!

So now I am enjoying a nice quiet morning at home. Tomorrow is payday so I am about to figure out my bills.

Which reminds me of this little dilemma!

Last Friday after work a few co-workers and myself stopped in to a local club for a drink. I tab out when my check card is rejected?!?!
Now I KNOW I have more than enough money to pay my tab which amounts to about fifteen dollars. So they save my tab until the next time I come in.

I get home and get my mail and I have a letter from my bank! Ah ha! (dramatic music)

It appears that the banks database has been compromised and all cards have been canceled and will be reissued. So now here it is Thursday and I STILL don't have my check card back! Those things are so handy to have! You just don't realize it until you don't have it!

So hopefully I'll have a replacement card today....

Fantasy Football Blues

Yeah....week 3 and my team has faltered. Since the injury to Javon Walker my team just doesn't seem to have the heart of its arm chair owner.

Apparantly Peyton Manning can't hear me when I tell them to throw deep to Marvin Harrison on every play and have a twelve touchdown day. Yeah I know he can't catch EVERY pass but if it hits his hands he NEEDS TO, and of course every catch needs to be converted into points for my team!

Don't they know that my fantasy football knowledge is at stake here?

I mean it isn't like THEY had to pay the franchise fee and the weekly entry fee!

Come on guys, you need to pick it up and think about scoring at least a little bit!

If not then I guess we will have to talk about a heart transfusion.

My First Rejection!

This is exciting!

Thank you for submitting your film, “Locker” to the 2005 Big Apple Film Festival. We thoroughly enjoyed viewing your film, however due to an overwhelming number of submissions we received this year we are unable to accept your film to screen at this year’s festival. We wish you continued success in your future endeavors and we look forward to viewing more of your work in the future.

Sincerely,

Jonathan Lipp
Big Apple Film Festival


One down, a lot more to go!

Wait...Why is this exciting you may be thinking?

Because good or bad, it has been seen, viewed, maybe even enjoyed or hated! The reaction matters not. The fact matters that it has been seen! Who cares if it was rejected or not! It isn't like Lucas or Speilberg hasn't made a flop before!

Locker has been seen!

Saturday Afternoon Poker

Well I played two tournaments at a friend's house. There was a 20 dollar entry fee for each and I placed first and third in that order:)

Not bad but in the second game I could have played a bit better.

I should have mowed today but I didn't. No big deal, I can do it tomorrow before kickoff!

Not much to report Locker wise. My photographer friend gave me some photo magazines to examine shooting style and composition. There are some pictures that really stand out for me that I'll have to ask her about.

She gave me some good criticism about the shots in Locker and how I could have improved them but I admit, some of it is still over my head right now....but I'm a quick study.

Time To Do Guy Things!

I don't know if I told you all or not but I am kind of handy around the house. Yes I hate mowing but some other things are kind of cool!

A leak developed above my washing machine so I got up on the roof without breaking anything and applied lots of black, gooey, tar stuff to patch up said leak! YES! I feel very manly now!

So I climbed back down to Mother Earth again without breaking anything, a job well done!

Did I tell you that I am a pretty decent cook?

Man, I'd make someone a good wife! Just kidding! Sheesh!!!!

Now I can't wait for it to rain to see just how the fix holds up!!!!

Week 2 Results

I have 34 points going into tonight. I dropped Javon Walker and picked up Keyshawn Johnson.

Dallas plays Washington tonight and hopefully Key will pick up at least one TD and maybe some bonus yards. for me.

I am looking to pick up Stephen Davis and drop one of my less productive RBs. First place this week has gone to the team who had McNabb and T.O. on the same team. He hung 73 points on the league this week!

Yesterday we had a fine send off for my friend who is moving away. The evening ended by a rousing Trivial Pursuit game after Manos: Hands of Fate and a few hours of socializing.

Wanna Know Something????

Locker really doesn't get good until you have seen it about 52 times like I have. Yes I'm making copies right now. It's a great way to spend a Saturday evening let me tell ya!

I have seen Locker so many times it doesn't hurt anymore, something calloused over I think. I hope it isn't my taste in movies.

I wanted to get the DVD copies done before my friend left for LA. I gave him a VHS copy so he would have something until they are done.

I discussed the cover with my photographer friend. She gave me some much better ideas than I had and improved what I did have.

Ben-Hur And Filmmaking

Ben-Hur, quite possibly the most epic of epics or at the least tied with The Ten Commandments in terms of golden era epic filmmaking. They just don't make movies like this anymore.

Yes you can say that The Lord of the Rings is probably the most epic of all time however I'm talking about pre-LOTR.

Don't even mention Titanic to me but you can include most David Lean films in the category of epic in this context.

Ben-Hur not only stands the test of time it might very well define time in the terms of film. I do favor The Ten Commandments as a better film and contains more pure star power though but Ben-Hur is probably larger in scope and depth.

I won't go into the story since most everyone is familiar with it so I'll start by saying that the new four DVD set is the best this film has ever looked and sounded!
Want to talk extras? How about the entire remastered silent version and two making of documentaries!

Ben-Hur is a film I really don't get tired of watching. Not really so much for the story but what went into making it. You can see that the stars were used to being treated as stars and you can just feel how they get into their roles. There is a bit of the over acting that was dominate of that era but it lends to the larger than life spectacle that is unfolding before your eyes. Make no mistake, this is pure spectacle. This is the three ring circus with a fair outside the gates which is down the street from a Rolling Stones concert.

Ben-Hur is much more that just that, it is human and could never be remade. Ben-Hur is a style of filmmaking that is dead now. No one takes the epic seriously anymore and they come up with dreck such as Troy, and Alexander.

Please, don't ruin this for me. Let Ben-Hur be Ben-Hur.

Well....My Team Tanked

Not only did the top four of my draft picks only score one TD but I lost Javon Walker for the year due to a torn ACL!!!!

Yeah my team tanked this weekend! However the bright spot is this, I am third on the waiver line. Meaning I can replace Javon with a top flight WR! There are three good ones left and I am practically guaranteed one of them!

So perhaps Javon won't hurt as much as I am hoping he won't hurt me.

In other news I mailed Locker to Tribeca today. I gave out one copy to one of my main actors last night! He is about ready to follow his dream and I can't wish him more!

This weekend my producer is planning a trip to pick up DVD supplies, I'm excited about this! I need to get some idea of cover art worked out and hopefully will be talking with my genius photographer friend about an idea or two cause I can't get a grasp of what it should look like. I keep thinking of "cold" colors like white and blue but then again maybe I need dark colors. I know I'm not good at this part!

I think I'm going to have about thirty copies made after all, that should cover almost everyone.

I'm excited! Things are working well right now:)

Kickoff!!!!

The glorious kickoff to the 2005 NFL season has just happened this past Thursday night!
My beloved Raiders fell to the devious Patriots of New England. I can't help but think that they should have invested some more money into the D.

The linebacking corp is thin while the line is suspect at best. I felt that they could have shut down the pass if Tom Brady hadn't been throwing against them. Dillon kept getting stronger as the game wore on.

I am in three leagues, well one serious league and two free Yahoo leagues. This is going to be a great season:)

In other news I think I'm going to have about 20 to 25 copies of Locker duplicated to give to the actors and the meat market where I filmed it and of course my family and friends. I think 25 should do it for sure.

I have some ideas about cover art but will run it by a couple of friends first who love doing that sort of thing. I know my photographer friend will have plenty of thoughts to talk about.

I saw Crash today. It is an ensemble movie with so many people in it that I won't even begin to list them. To be able to describe it would be to do it an injustice. What it really is about is gray.

All about gray.

It is about skin color. Attitudes, rational and irrational. Racism and perception. How good people aren't as good as they would like to be and how bad people aren't as bad as you would like for them to be.

I mean when you know what is right, good, and the path, you feel grounded and know what to think, right?

I mean how else do you know what is and what isn't?

Well when you start to see that gray area that happens to crop up every now and again it sometimes shows that things aren't always black and white. Yes sometimes things are that simple.

Sometimes they simply aren't.

Today: A Good Day

No one at work showed up but yours truly. We have this cool call in to work system and people generally take advantage of it:)

I had a respitory physical today and so who is there when I show up to the doctor? My partner in crime, Chris. There were a series of cool events like that today however I can't relay them since they were of a personal nature:)

It is Wednesday, one day before the official kickoff of the NFL!
My beloved Raiders will take on the Patriots of New England:) It is also one day after DVD Tuesday, I got Lost. You probably recall my distaste for network tv, instead I try to write and watch either news or cool channels like History or the shows on FX or HBO.

Well Lost is an amazing show! I'm thrilled, enthralled, and engrossed with this show!
It is addictive and has a really cool Scifi twist:)I can just feel a Twilight Zone influence with this show!

The Gorilla Syndrome And Filmmaking

You know what autopilot is don't you?

It is when you exist instead of live. When you fill the role of someone who is trading your time for a service and exchanging who you are for being able to scratch out a living. You start off on Monday morning and put up with self important people who seek any means necessary to justify their existence by being even MORE self important.

The Gorilla Syndrome. They (generally people such as my supervisor from work) will stand up taller and beat their chest a little bit harder so that their display will justify who they are to you and make them credible in your eyes. They take great pleasure in telling you how to do something no matter if it is right or wrong, it is the action of command that they relish and not the consequences.

It is more important to them to demonstrate authority than to learn. As a result they cease to learn and wind up on permanent autopilot. Well it really isn't autopilot, it is closer to intellectual death. They do gain knowledge in college but never learn from experiences.

Here is the disconnect though: I don't get it.

So it turns into being funny to me.

The more someone demonstrates being an alpha male the funnier it is to me. I can see their insecurity filling the air around them. It is very difficult to take them seriously. They crave respect and admiration while missing the whole point of humanity and compassion.

Greatness is never greatness when you have to tell others how great you really are.

What does this have to do with filmmaking? Well nothing to do with filmmaking but if you ever see a character demonstrating the Gorilla Syndrome in something I did just know that I'm probably laughing a lot and had a great time writing that character:)

Something Really Cool Happened!!!!

Hey,

Right on. Thanks for the props.

Kevin


What is special about those few lines?

Well allow me to supply some context:)

Well it is from none other than the brilliant and amazingly down to earth Indie Filmmaker Kevin Smith to yours truly.

I basically found his email on the web, thinking it probably isn't real I sent a Thank You for the inspiration email. Well when it didn't immediately come back, it made me think it is probably active but old. Well my jaw dropped to the floor when Mr. Smith actually wrote back!

Now what does that mean to a small town Oklahoma filmmaker? Nothing other than I sent Kevin Smith a Thank You email for pioneering some trails and took some arrows I won't have to.

It is just very cool and really made my day to read such a nice gesture:)

Thanks Kevin!

Just A Random Update

No really, honest.

Let me set this up, today Friday the second of September is an anomaly. It is payday Friday of a three day weekend.

It only happens a few times per year and it is a great day where I work!

It was a rough week at work, allow me to vent a little bit please:)

Our supervisor proved to be particularly incompetent this week. Allow me to set the stage. There are three people in my shop on days in my building. There are five others at the other shop in another building. All eight of us are classified as the same shop, we just work at different ends of the facility in different buildings.

Our lead went home after one hour the other day, leaving us with two people in our shop. Our super supervisor asked our lead what was pending before disregarding all of the answers and micromanaging all of our actions:)

First he asked our lead what he was going to have me and my co worker to do for the day. We had our assignment which was a mistake and our lead knew it, he was just testing our supervisor to see if he had actually learned anything during his nearly two year stint. He hadn't.

Here is what happened. Our lead knew that we couldn't do our job because the huge majority of what we had to was gone. I'll be a little more specific. I work around aircraft. He had to place pilot's names on the aircraft. No big deal right? Well they just happened to be flying and not present when we were to do this job as our supervisor should have been well aware. So we had no aircraft to put new names on.

Our supervisor jumped on our lead's suggestion of having my coworker and myself out on the flightline. He immediately ordered our lead to bring two people from the other shop down to cover our work load in the shop.

So now here is the result, within a half hour we had found every aircraft that happened to be not flying and changed the names, it amounted to four aircraft. The other two coworkers came down and proceeded to do exactly what our supervisor wanted them to do which was to do all of the shop work load and answer the phone...all day long:)

My coworker and I basically had the whole day free and taunted our other two coworkers with our lack of a work load:) This also proved for a deeper problem as their work load fell behind since they were two people short and two of them also had to go to another shop for a few hours which left one single lazy person in their shop who refused to do anything at all.

All in all a very funny day worthy of a Dilbert cartoon:)

I feel my IQ dropping when my supervisor is around me, like it is being sucked out of my head.

He is a walking talking black hole from which intelligence goes to die.

A Nice Finish!

I won a satellite tournament for entry into a 500,000 guaranteed tournament that took place today.
The battle began at 3:30 Sunday afternoon and I busted out at 7:30 in 199th place!

199???? That can't be good?!?!

Well it had over 3300 entrants in it and it paid me nearly 500 dollars, not good? If you divide it as an hourly wage, it is outstanding for four hours of work!

I was pretty happy with that finish! It was by far the largest tournament I was involved in.

Things are going well!!!! In a lot of different areas right now.
I can't help but think that this is the leading edge of a lot of good things yet to happen in the next few months:) I really honestly think a lot of good is going to come from Locker! Poker? Its a diversion:) A fun diversion but more or less a hobby:)

I just feel that I'm really honestly on my way to somewhere good right now. I don't know where or when but I do feel good about it:)

I Needed That!

I feel pretty good today!

Yesterday's draft went well, I think I have a very competetive team this year!
Dominick Davis
Deshaun Foster
Chris Brown are my RBs

Marvin Harrison
Javon Walker
Jerry Porter
Donte Stallworth are my very lethal WRs

Carson Palmer
Aaron Brooks fill out my QBs

The Pittsburgh and Cinncy D/STs
and Nate Kaeding and Rian Lindell my Kickers

We have a league member who lives in Lousiana which happens to be under the gun of Hurricane Katrina. It is headed towards New Orleans as a Category 5 Hurricane, possibly the strongest hurricane to hit Lousiana (winds are now sustained 175 mph). I doubt that any of it will reach here, but who knows, it might not turn to the North East.

I plan on relaxing today and staying in the house. I went to get groceries Friday so all I have to do is some laundry.

I've been reading Kevin Smith's blog lately. It is interesting. I would like to get to the point where I could pick and choose my projects for a living or if I had a great idea (and I do!) then I would have people jumping through hoops to get it going:)

Actually his blog is about his normal everyday life. He writes about normal things instead of a celebrity lifestyle. Yeah, even down to his bathroom breaks. Say what you wish about him, he does have a way of communicating, he is a natural storyteller.

I guess it is time to get my laundry started so I can get it done, its been a good weekend but I hope your weekends have been better than mine!

Draft Day!!!!

Yes my friends today is Draft Day, something that is familiar with every fantasy football player in the country!

The day that will create your team for an entire season! A day in which you will take players from teams you really don't care about just because they are the best player on the board! A day in which you put aside your NFL loyalties and are all about Team You!

Terrell Owens....never would touch him with a 10 foot pole but here it is, he is the best receiver on the board and you have your RBs....do you take TO? Do you take the baggage and balance that with the 14 TDs and 1500 yards? Yes my friends that is the kind of pulse pounding decision many will be faced with today and in the past few weeks up until this coming Thursday!!!!

Today is the day that you have been preparing for, you will either be king of the league or a donater.

My friends today is exactly what I need right now as well. For some reason I have been really....drained for the lack of a better word. Since I have sent out my screener copies of Locker I have had trouble sleeping, I've been extremely excited about the prospects!!!!

I'm going to have a hard time concentrating on the draft while I know that the past couple of days my screeners have been arriving at their destinations!!!!

My friends I am going to have some fun today, I need that right now. I had no idea that Locker would wear me down like this, not so much physically other than the restless sleep, but emotionally.

This is going to be a wild ride!

And He Rested

Yes my friends, tonight I decided to call it good for the evening and did something I dread instead.

I mowed my yard...after nearly two weeks....of rain.

It was like a 1000% humidity after work and I had just enough gas left to get 95% of my yard done, the rest will have to wait until the next time I mow or until I get some more gas.

I can't even get gas out of my vehicle since I drive a diesel. Yeah that would really gum up my mower fast!

I have been reading about different film festivals and looking at what their entry fees are. I'm going to let it rest for a few days, there isn't a fest I'm interested in right now however I am going to look at some Plan B fests. Yes and I have to review my copy of From Reel To Deal and find out the next step to this blueprint!

Believe me I'm not delusional at all. I know I have a movie but not a indication of my talent or ideas, just my budget! I am anxious to see what the first reactions are to Locker by unbiased people when I get it copied to DVD.

Criticize me all you wish but no one had better criticize the acting, these people spent almost nine hours in street clothes in 9 degree temperatures and trying to remember their lines! Believe me I was dressed for it but I wasn't on camera either!

Also keep in mind that I am not a great writer right now and I could have given them some better material to work with but with what I gave them and with what they accomplished in that environment in that time frame....I'm pretty happy with that part!

So if you watch Locker, keep in mind the context of what was happening behind the camera:)

This Is A Cool Update.....Read On

Yesterday afternoon I decided, for good or bad, to forego the music and add the end credits myself, without the rolling part.

I did not contact the local production company for the film look treatment and just go with it as is. We'll see how it is received as is, barebones and unplugged so to speak.

I have sent screener tapes to:
Sundance
Slamdance
The Documentary and Fiction International Film Festival in West Hollywood

At that point I ran out of screener tapes and now have to make two more to send to
The Big Apple Film Festival (I filled out the paperwork on this one already, just didn't have the extra tape to send as I had seen Locker five times already yesterday)

and possibly Script to Screen in Tulsa, undecided on this one.


There is a list of upcoming film fests that I need to take a close look at.

Final Bugs Ironed Out!!!!

Finally!

Yes, I can now honestly say that Locker is 99% complete!

I am going to contact the production studio tomorrow and see what it will take to put the film look filters on a completed project and the end rolling credits!!!!

I'm on the fence about music right now.

We'll see what the musician comes up with and go from there. If it is very gripping then I'll find a place for it.

Well Now.....

I have added the opening credit sequence myself. I haven't made the montage splices that I was thinking of doing yet.

I'm going to show it to a couple of people and see how that goes. If it is alright without them then I probably won't waste the tape to do them.

I am nearly finished with it though. Will have to get it transfered to tape for the musician to watch and add some music and will have to figure out how to do the rolling credits in the end...other than that it is just a matter of getting it into the proper festival format!

A Red Bull Later And....

I finished editing Locker tonight!

Why?

Well it has been a rough week in a few different areas. I'm going to have to start facing some truths now instead of deluding myself, most notably in my job area.

Do I want to spend another 40 years (yes FORTY) in the same job so that I can retire or do I want to take my shot?

Locker is what it is, a first effort with no money and one day of shooting. It isn't horrible but it isn't a masterpiece either. It has some solid performances and I hope a story that will make people overlook the shortcomings, well at least distract them long enough to enjoy it a little bit.

So now the next step is simple, get it watched by Chris to make sure I haven't doubled any scenes or left anything important out. Get a tape to the musician and get it on tape. Get it to a production company for the titles and then get it on DVD to start sending to film festivals!

Yeah, I think this is going to be a good shot at a start at something nice:)

This Weekend

I am going to dedicate myself to finishing my part of Locker.

Yeah.

I'm going to put those scenes back in, not sure how yet since I have to find some extra space on my laptop first and it is nearly all full of clips but I am confident that I will make it work.

After that it is a small matter of putting the music in when it is finished and the credits. I think I'm going to film four seperate segments about five seconds apiece to fore shadow the opening robbery scene.

I really need to move this project forward and get onto the next one. Even if this isn't a perfect movie by any means it is a first effort and something that be sort of a calling card in terms of potential.

I think that when people see the performances of the cast, it will open up some eyes!

So mark it down right now, I'm saying that barring any sort of technical glitch that I won't be able to overcome, I'm going to finish the editing less the score and credits this weekend!

National Geographic Channel And Filmmaking

Well this post really doesn't have anything to do with gilmmaking but it does have to do with the National Geographic channel and body modifications.

Specifcally tattoos. I have nothing against tattoos, piercings, brandings, scarification, or any of that. I don't want any of them though.

In my short time on this planet it has occurred to me that we change, in fact probably one of the one constant that you can depend on is that things change, now, today, tomorrow, next week. It is likely that something will be different by the time I post my next entry. Something big, small, or in between, something will be different.

Who I am today is not who I was ten years ago. And who I am today is not who I will become in another ten years.

To me a tattoo is a reminder of what you are right now at that point. In a few years you will be reminded of who you were at that point.

If that time was good then you run the risk of limiting yourself and living in the past.

If that time was bad you run the risk of being dragged back into a low point and might promote self pity instead of moving forward in a healing direction.

There is nothing I can think of that defines who I am today that I will probably feel that strongly about in twenty years or sitting around the nursing home and having to explain why I did what I did then.

There isn't a tattoo that I really think sums me up to the point that I want to have it put on my skin...forever.

Locker Update

I have allowed a local musician to view Locker...minus the missing scenes of course. He went really wild over it and was guessing who was going to live all the way through it. It was kind of funny!

He seems like a good guy and had some ideas that he really wanted to play with. So, that is where Locker is at right up to the minute!

In other project news, I seem to have developed creative ADD. I have a burning interest in a project for a little while and it burns out only to be replaced by another burning interest!

I'm writing a film noir script.
I still love the concept behind my super secret blog project.
I would love to have something to shoot right now, today but that is unlikely since no one in the group is really in the position with a project to shoot.
Chris and I briefly had a short film project about the psychosis of Tom Cruise called Saving Katie.

So ADD is an understatement.

It has been so bad that I haven't even updated my blog like I want to. I had a really cool entry worked out in my head the other day and forgot the whole thing shortly afterwards!

I'll get over it, don't worry friends.

Training Camps Are Open!

Yes friends it is that time of year! The NFL opens up their training camps to start another glorious season of football goodness!

This is the time of year where fantasy players scour training camp reports and hang on every last word printed and rumor to find that one pick in the late rounds that will win a season for their team and make the owner look like a genius.

Yes it is that time of year and life is good!

Poker Night

Well out of the biggest tournament I have played in to date with some very very good players I placed 5th. Outside the money but very good and a confidence booster since I came to the final table second in chips!

I played a good game, tight at times and loose at times. I bluffed a couple of pots and took them down!

Overall I feel that when I am able to play in a bigger tournament I'll do well!

Time Warp

When I was a teen I would listen to all of the people who were older than me talk about how life has passed them by. How that they graduated high school and woke up the next day being 30. I never believed them but now I can see what they were talking about.

I understand now that the older you get that time actually speeds up!

I'm sure there is a scientific principle behind this phenomenon!

If I were a person who continually looked backwards and at the decisions I made and what I could have done differently or an action I could have taken or not taken....well if you did that and could harness this power of the aging time warp and find a way to go forward or backward. Well if you could bottle that power!!!!

You would probably sell that bottle of time travel goodness to people who have a lot of regrets. With the grass always being greener in the neighbor's yard you always seem to forget that there is a huge leaking septic tank just below the surface.

A long time ago I learned that I am who I am now because of the decisions made with the best information at the time. It isn't very often that you find someone who says, "I'm going to make the worst decision I could possibly make in every single situation that requires me to make a decision!"

The person you are now is the result of decisions of yourself and others. I have it pretty good, better than I probably should be doing in fact. Yeah I like to complain from time to time but overall I don't know what I could do to make things better or me to be happier...other than working more with my projects that is.

Time travel in a bottle isn't a reality yet so for the time being that decision is one I won't have to make! Thank Goodness!!!

Sometimes A Moment

Is a very powerful thing. It doesn't have to be a lot. Well I just had a two hour moment.

Anyone who knows me pretty well knows I am a boxing fan. In fact when I was younger I believe I could have been a boxer, maybe even a good boxer. Well with the geography of the situation there was just never that opportunity around here so I pursued other dreams.

Funny, this is sort of a two movie review that ties in to a moment. I'll start here, some movies are more than movies, they transcend film and become art and an experience.

Yesterday a friend and I went to see The Devil's Rejects. Hoping that this would take modern horror films and like a shot of adrenaline to the genre, Hollywood would start to make good horror films again. It wouldn't be too bad if this was actually a horror movie, it wasn't. It was more like a road/crime movie.

It had violence, yeah. It had blood, yeah. Horror movie, no. Wasn't even close.

Don't expect scares but you can expect William Forsythe to turn in a good performance and some unexpected laughs. You can also expect many many scenes that are too close and lots of slow motion...

An experience, a moment? Yes, the drive down and back was good and very productive. In fact we came up with a cool idea for a short film that I think would be fairly easy to do! It's innovative, timely, and funny! The meal afterwards wasn't too bad either.

Million Dollar Baby.

Well you will all know it is a boxing movie. Not a boxing movie like Rocky. Rocky was a underdog movie that happened to be about a boxer. A boxing movie is Requiem For A Heavyweight. A moment of art on film.

Million Dollar Baby is about heart and skill. It is about life and death and more importantly the quality of life you lead. Regrets and forgiveness, triumphs and tragedy.

To describe it beyond what I've written is to do it an injustice. To watch it is to experience it. Not like the dreck of War of the Worlds with its tacked on happy family friendly ending and momentum stopping Tim Robbins scenes. Not like the wave of Japanese Ghost Story remakes which has spread like a rash in the cinema. No not like that at all.

AARRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Well it turns out I deleted some important footage out of the middle of the final edit!

I was running short on hard drive space, so stupid me....I deleted some clips I didn't think I needed anymore so that I could digitize the clips I needed to finish the project right?

Well what happened is this, I started to do the digital cut (transfer it to tape)when all of a sudden a black screen came up and said "Media Offline" which meant that I was stupid and deleted some important scenes!

So I spent another three hours doing some very careful splicing and re-digitzing the scenes I needed from the master tapes. I have fixed about half of the scenes last night before I went to bed.

I am going to fix the rest after work today AND THEN call the productin studio and see if I can schedule a time to have the credits done and any other tweaks that they might be able to add to make it a better quality production.

Surprise Part 2

I am now in the process of transfering Locker to tape!

My plan is to still call the production studio tomorrow and schedule a time to bring the tape by and have credits done to it and if they have any kind of tweaks they could add that they feel would be helpful!

I should have had this done months ago!!!!

SURPRISE!!!

I have finished editing Locker!

That is right, I just took the bull by the horns here and decided to cut the rest of it together myself!

It sucked! I am starting to hate editing but I finished it!

Now all I have to do is take it to a local production studio and have the credits added and have it transfered to either tape or a dvd that I can have duplicated!

I appreciate everyone who responded to the recent email posting about asking for a editor! I really do! Thanks!

Yes I feel so relieved now! It clocks in around 55 minutes without the credits so that should bump it up to about 2 more minutes so I'm pushing the hour mark! I really wanted to hit the 70 minute mark however I just didn't have enough material or story to do it.

I am confidant that I will have the copies to my actors and producers ready within a month and will have some to sell soon!

What a great day it is to be alive!!!!

My Confession

My friends I come to you today to confess my sin...of enjoying a (GASP) reality series. I know I know, please don't tell me about it but hear me out first. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate reality shows.

I hate them with a passion unrivaled with any other kind of pop culture hatred I could muster...the kind that is normally reserved for Tim Burton kind.

However I also have a weakness my friends. I have a weakness that is my kryptonite and that is for has been stars. It has long been my theory that sometimes celebs tend to surround themselves with yes-men (or women), people who will tell them what they think they want to hear instead of being straight with them and giving them a much needed dose of reality...so to speak.

Well they get ungrounded and lose themselves in vanity, self absorbtion, and start to believe they actually are what everyone has marketed them as....which is usually a fantasy.

Well when someone is at the top of their game there is only one way to go and no matter how at the top you really are the public changes and their tastes change and you are no longer what you once were. You could be the highest paid star of all time but in a few short years it is likely that you will be a memory. There are very very few people who have staying power that lasts years let alone decades.

Well the Surreal Life meets the bill for people who were at the top at one time or another in one fashion or another and have been passed by and have fallen into the archives of pop culture to make room for the next big thing. These disposable pop icons have become footnotes or punchlines with delusions of jumpstarting a career or extending their fame for another 15 minutes.

They get paid. They get to be seen. They get to show off how pet coon crazy they really are to a huge audience!!!

I have a passion for stories of people with instant fame and fortune. Dave Chapelle for instance! All of a sudden his small little show blew up big time and made Comedy Central a lot of money! Well they rewarded Dave with a huge contract which overwhelmed him and everyone knows the rest of that story with how he bolted out of the country.

My reality series fascination (with only one show) is just that friends, a fascination. I won't start watching Survivor:Guatamala or anything like that. I have the fortitude to check myself to this one and only series of misfits who are real victims in a way.

They are the victims of other people's expectations. They are the victims of marketing machines and even though they probably went along with it willingly if not happily they got more than they bargained for.

Modern Advanced Radio

Well friends I have done something I really didn't think I had a need for.

I have done something I really didn't think I would use very much.

I have seen the future friends!
More precisely I have heard the future friends!

What is this miracle of modern science that has enthralled me like a moth to a flame, like a neanderthal to a club, or Michael Jackson to a child's birthday party at a Chuckie Cheese?

It is satellite radio! That's right!
Three geo-synchronous satellites are beaming delicious audio into my very place of work!

GONE are the static infested airwaves!
GONE are the commercial laden broadcasts which occasionally produce a song, like dreck dredged up to the bright sunshine only to be exposed as the dreck it is!
GONE are the playlists that feature so many predictable songs DAY IN AND DAY OUT!
GONE are the DJ's who rattle on and on but are censored by the terrestrially based FCC!

After a mere two days of satellite radio at work with everyone and their dog, cat, fish, in-laws, outlaws, and total strangers coming in to hear the crisp clear tones of musical purity! They have experienced and marveled at...YES...channel 23!!!

The Amazing Hair Nation channel!!!!

The glory that is 80's hair bands!!!!
Friends I can hear everything from Twisted Sister to TNT.
From Guns N Roses to Great White.
From Def Leppard to Dokken.
From Aerosmith to Zebra.

That's right, I have died and gone to metal maven heaven!

Now you may ask yourself, Why, yes WHY do you care so much about 80's metal bands?

Well my friends I'll tell you...
I have a THEORY!

My theory is very simple and yet complex.
On the surface it is simple, the music you grow up with is what imprints itself into your mind and that is the music that you associate to good times of youth, fun, revelry, and rebellion!

Now the complex part is this, for some of our seasoned citizens out there they probably get the same feelings from Frank Sinatra, Tommy Dorsey, and Glen Miller!

It just so happens that my day of discovery had bands around like The Scorpions, Metallica, Van Halen pre and post Sammy Hagar, the Mighty Motley Crue, and the brash, bold, and badass Guns-N-Roses!

A band that was capable of stellar heights and dismally low lows but what they put on vinyl was immortal! What they did with Appetite For Destruction and Lies scaled the highest mountains and used that as a launching pad and redefined the genre for years to come!

But I digress....Satellite Radio Rocks!

Poker Night With Friends

Well tonight was a poker night at a friend's house. It was great! It really showed me that my skills are improving.

I started with 40 bucks. Which was kind of a challenge to get. I went to a local grocery store and asked for 40 extra after making a purchase right? Well the cashier acted really put out and upset that I needed quarters and some ones instead of two 20's.

Ugh, what does it matter? It is the same amount, just count it differently please.

Anyway I arrive and so does everyone else and we start playing! there are six of us in a dime ante game where the basic bet is a quarter. I feel pretty good about it! After about two hours I'm up quite a bit and then one guy calls a game that builds the pot up to huge amounts. You have a high card and a low card and you bet to see if the next card delt is in the middle of the high and low card. The only way the game ends is if one person clears the pot.

It was towards the end of the deck and I am dealt a Q3, there is a lot of money in the pot. I'm talking over 50 dollars, I bet 15. The card is a Q which doubles the amount you have to pay....yeah, my nice stack takes a huge 30 dollar hit. Well by the time this game ends I'm down to about 5 dollars.

Here is the good thing though. By the time the game broke up around midnight I was at exactly $40.05!!!! I worked my stack back up again to even. Although I was ultimately down from the stack I had I was still very happy I didn't lose money after a big hit on my stack and was able to build it back up!!!

Yeah...it was a good night!

July 5th's Pictures Very Moving!

The spirit of the 4th of July was on display today in the local paper. After seeing the pictures it really hit me about all that is important in a modern 4th celebration and why.

Not the original 4th when our founders decided to take on many many hardships to overcome the British Empire to gain our freedom but what they foresaw the 4th could eventually be. The freedom to celebrate with family and friends. No, the only outdoor grilling then was probably rabbit on a spit over a open fire. There was no such thing as a fishing derby or a harmless fireworks display. The 4th had an entirely different meaning then and I'm proud that we continue to be the leader of the free world and a beacon of hope to others.

What my friend captured in those pictures is nothing short of beauty and majesty:
1. A child with a flag painted on his forehead.
2. Two fish on a bridge that crosses the park lake...er...pond.
3. A child with a sparkler.
4. A massive aerial fireworks display with the bridge in the lower third of the picture and reflections on the water.
5. A nine year old in a seed spitting contest.

What was captured in these pictures....well it is immortal. It is the spirit of the 4th made manifest and tangible. Anyone who knows me knows that I get choked up kind of easily when I get emotional and I had to really compose myself this morning when I saw these pictures.

Now what I can also tell you is what my friend will probably tell me after she reads this, "Why do you always like my worst shots?" She will then probably tell me about the technical aspects of them and how she could have made them much better after seeing them in the paper.

Well I can't argue that since still photography is something that is still kind of alien to me. I have no training in that and she is probably right in everything she will tell me about them...in a technical aspect.

I'll probably respond by saying, "No one since Norman Rockwell has captured that kind of feeling in me in still life, and I am grateful anyway. Thank you."

So The Choice Remains...

I am still pricing XL1s cameras via Ebay...however while I have been doing this I have also been saving money and now have nearly enough for a XL2.

So what do I do about that? I am more excited about a XL2 and the best set up would be to have two XL2s as I have said earlier. Since there is no project looming in the near term I believe I am going to save for the XL2s....unless I can get so much value by getting another XL1s at such a good price I couldn't pass it up.

My secret project is well underway and progressing and I will soon hold some meetings with the trusted circle that knows the details to flesh out the storyline and related arcs.

Since my first choice to edit Locker hasn't responded to me I have choice B on deck and will be contacting them tonight or tomorrow.

....Alas...

There was no happy Disney ending for my bird friend.

What Do I Do?

Alright here is the situation!
Last night I found a healthy bird in my pool under a plank I left in there so some kittens could crawl out.

Now this bird is full grown, doesn't appear to have a broken wing or broken leg or anything like that. The bird isn't favoring any thing or appear to be damaged in any way.

But it won't fly.

I kept it in a cage last night in the house and gave it some seeds and water...well not really seeds. I scraped some whole grains off the top of a loaf of bread but it is as close to getting it something to eat as I could.

I thought maybe the bird had been overcome with the heat from yesterday and just couldn't fly out of the relatively shallow empty pool for some reason. So I picked it up and brought it inside to cool it off. Now it is the next morning and he still won't fly away.

It will barely walk but he seems content to just sit there and look around. It is cool outside right now and there are a lot of birds in my yard so I'm going to leave it out there and hope it gets the idea and has the Disney ending and flys home!

Indie Film Conference Today....Sort Of

Well it had promise anyway.

There was a conference in a nearby city that three of us attended. I can say that I enjoyed the makeup guy they had and the actor they had who is a regular in CSI: Miami.

Everyone else seemed to either be in over their heads or were trailing my knowledge. The distribution guy was thrilled that he had gone to Tower Records and they had agreed to put a project on their shelves even though there really isn't a finished product yet....and so the day went.

I was happy about lunch though which was good. I had a honey BBQ'd sirloin steak with grilled peppers and mushrooms...with a side of fries and a desert.

The other highlight was seeing Land of the Dead. It also had promise but I found myself wondering why in this futuristic society with the DEAD ACTUALLY ROAMING THE STREETS that having a lot of money was a big deal?!?! I did like the idea of someone rebuilding a secure society inside a building and trying to make believe that everything was everything again. I found the concept very good in that weird ironic/sarcastic way.

I just wish that someone would decide to make a scary movie again instead of relying on gore effects as a crutch to make up for a weak story or to gloss over plot holes so big you could drive the Dead Reckoning though.

Here is the basic premise of nearly every scary movie I've attended lately....come up with promising plot. Spend too much on effects while forgetting to add any tension to get the audience involved and when you remember that the audience might be bored...WHAM! You throw some fake blood in their direction or have a cat jumping out of the closet scare...then tack on some stupid ending like in Hide and Seek.

Now for Locker news. I have contacted a local production company to finish it with me. To add the credits and get it into a format I can duplicate. They were going to have a meeting this past week and contact me when they could schedule me in...they have yet to contact me. So I'll attempt to call them next week and see if they want to work with me. If not it is onto yet another plan B.

Yes and I am writing a new project which will either be very innovative or fail so big that it might turn some heads! More on that in the coming months!

Irrational Fears

I probably have one of the most irrational fears of all time. At first it may not seem like it but after I explain my weird logic I think you might be able to understand a bit more.

My irrational fear is that after I die my body won't be discovered for a long time. Why is it irrational? Naturally because after you die, what do you care anymore? It's over and time to see what is next, on to bigger and better things!

Well here is my logic on the matter. I am more afraid of what it implies has happened to me before death. Think about it for a second, my irrational fear is that my body won't be discovered meaning that:
1. I have outlived everyone that cares about me or I care about. (I dread this one the second most)
2. Have ticked off all of the people I did know and care about to the point where they have left me.
3. Fade away and become so emotionally disconnected that everyone forgets I even existed. (I dread this one the most)

What does this exactly mean?

Does it mean that if you don't have someone around you that you don't exist?

Does it represent that no one is an island and everyone somewhere, somehow has a connection to someone, somehow?

That your actions now matter how small or mundane has a action or reaction that creates a connection to others?

So if any of those questions are affirmative in the least degree then to what point is everyone connected but not realize the effect they have on others? If someone disconnects themselves is that an act of self centeredness knowing they might play a role in helping someone else? Do you have a responsibility to your fellow human being?

Dying alone is something everyone faces no matter how many people are surrounding you and no matter how much they care about you. Being discovered afterwards or not is what really defines the kind of life you have lead.

A Sock In My Sleeve

So there I was, early morning and I felt pretty good! I was showered, dressed and out the door...things were going well!!!

I get to the quick shop where I get coffee and then a guy who works where I work comes up behind me and I feel a tugging on my shirt. Allow me to elaborate my confusion here...I usually wear two shirts, a t-shirt with a work shirt over the top of it so I can use the pockets. Well this guy is generally a cocky type of person and we might nod to each other in the halls and rarely talk. Which is fine, I don't bother anyone and I'd like the same to happen to me:)

So I feel this tugging and I turn around with a quizzical look and look at him in the eyes, not a intimidating look but a "What are you doing" look when he holds up a sock he had just pulled from between my shirts that was hanging out of my sleeve!

I know there is a metaphor here. Let me see if I can explain it as well. I try not to be a confrontational person anymore. Sometimes it is necessary but if I can talk I'm happier and I don't get that sick feeling inside after being physical with someone. That morning I was almost at that point for no reason.

I was clueless as to what was going on and someone was trying to help me. I was so wrapped up with something else that I didn't see the help that was being offered. Like when friends tell you something but it just never clicks for some reason. Something never connects in your mind and when it does and that light comes on you suddenly see things from a different angle and it makes sense!!!

Despite how foolish you might have been before and how wrapped up in something else you might have been and just couldn't see the beauty of the forrest because of all of those pesky trees, that is when you need to step back and evaluate your situation and see what your friends are telling you. I learned a pretty good lesson because someone was trying to help me when I thought he was....well I don't know what he was doing but that is kind of the point of turing around in the first place! hahaha!!!

Now on to the filmmaking parts! I am looking into hiring an editor to finish Locker.
More on that when I get an estimate to see if I'm going to do it or not!

Outbid Again!

But not to worry, we shall get our camera sooner or later!!
Again, time is on our side for this!!

Had a good conversation with Chris last night at a local coffee shop.
The best part is when we started to discuss the kind of movie we would like to see. I honestly want to create a good story that anyone can see. I immediately brought up The Straight Story as my template of what I would like to do.

A good story, no profanity, no violence, and touching characters that anyone can relate to. If I could either get a hold of that kind of script or if I could coax my fingers to type that kind of script!!! Wow!!!

Anyway, time to find another camera and place a bid!!!

A New Bid

I have placed a bid on a XL1s this morning. If I can get it for the price I bid, it will be a huge savings!! It is only a basic package but if this price holds up then there will be plenty of money left over to add whatever I wish to it!

It ends tomorrow so we shall see what happens!!!

This is some exciting stuff!!!

Now I also saw a movie that has everything I love about movies in it! It wasn't a GREAT movie but it was very solid and very entertaining! The Machinist.

To sum it up, a man has had insomnia for over a year. It is a mystery that starts when Trevor Reznik starts to see some strange things from his lack of sleep. Since I hate spoiling a movie for people that is about all I can say about it. There are several layers of mystery here that really pay off in the end:)

Very good!

NO Camera....Yet

I was out bid on the camera I was hoping to purchase...by 26 dollars!!!

Such is life, the other one I was eyeing was sold on a buy it now which was more than I really wanted to pay since it had little else than a camera with it.

I know there will be a great deal coming up and with nothing big planned right now other than some reshoots...time is on my side!!!

I have a budget planned out so that I'll be able to pay cash when the right camera deal comes up and if it doesn't before we are going to shoot our next big project...well I'll have some money to sink into the actual production!!!

It's a no lose situation!!!

How About A Film Update This Time???

Alright film fans, here is the latest! The editing is not done!!! Woohoooo!!!

Wait....that isn't exactly what I wanted to tell you all, I'm on the verge of purchasing another XL1s. I have a bid on one cam with another in the wings if this one fails.

A two camera set up will help SO MUCH with filming it is unreal!!! My shot selection problems of variety that I had in Locker will be long gone, we will have a back up of any shot we do, AND it will take about half the time to film something which will make things faster on us and our actors!!!

I have kicked it around quite a bit and have come to the conclusion that another camera is what us as a group really need to continue right now. Well other than a full time staff of script writers to give us the material to shoot.

Yes another camera is what is really needed to do a much higher quality of job!

And yes when I find the right deal we will have it!!!

A Baby Bird In The Pool Is As Good As...

Well not exactly the old saying but it did happen! For those of you who don't know, I have an inground pool in my back yard that has been empty (or nearly empty) for about three seasons.

Occasionally I have to help out a small animal who has jumped or fallen into mostly dry pool out. Last time it was a possum who had fallen in and couldn't get out. So I stepped down into the pool which only had a few inches of watery mud in the deep end but the dry, shallow end had a hissing and very upset creature in it....WITH ME!!!

So how do I get this possum three feet up and onto the ground? I put a long board that he can crawl up and prodded him along it so he was able to crawl out! Well other than a stray kitten who gets in there every once in a while it is no big deal but today I found a bird! Yeah...a bird who got caught up in the rain I guess and couldn't fly.

So I get down into the pool and get a skimmer net....well the bird takes off into the watery end....Sheesh.

I head him off with the net and coax him back to the end I'm on so that I can help him out. (I assume it is a "him" since he was stupid enough to get lost...in a pool...with a big open top) So I heard him back with the net and scoot the net under him and he hops up onto the net! So now the mission is 99% done! I'm happy! I help the onto dry land! Mission Accomplished! Well the bird sits there on the ground now...well there are a lot of stray cats around my neighborhood so the bird is now a sitting duck. So I prod him over under a tree near my fence and then all of a sudden I start to get dive bombed by the bird's family I guess?!?!?!

Well they apparently didn't see my gesture to the animal kingdom as helpful as I thought it was. So now that the bird is semi safe under the tree I leave to the delight of this bird's fine feathered friends.

Bunch of ingrateful birds....

One More Big Day Of Filming!

We left around 9:30 in the morning and started out for Fairview. It began a very large day of shooting. All in all we finished up and got back home around midnight.
I don't feel as bad as I did when I shot Locker.

A two camera set up would cut our shooting time way down. I believe this should probably be the next upgrade to our little group. Another XL1s. I thought about getting a XL2 however the footage would look a lot different and we would essentially be in the same boat. Just with two different nice cameras instead of two identical cameras that would mesh the footage together.

That felt like I had gone 12 rounds with Holyfield and then 12 rounds with Tyson. We used more tripod shots and handheld instead of the steadicam vest. I was horribly beat up after that shoot. Now I feel better and was able to sleep in till about 9:30!!! That was so amazing to me!!! I haven't been able to sleep in that late for a very long time! It felt good! I wish I was able to do it again!!!

There wasn't a lot of drama and things really relatively stayed on schedule. Had some very nice people host us for lunch and took our picture which the prevailing thought was we would wind up in someone's family album. "Who are those maniacs? I don't remember being related to them!" Yeah...

We got all of the shots we needed and I wish I had the room in the meat locker to have gotten the variety of shots we were able to get with this project. It would have made the editing so much easier for Locker. I know it is weak on shot variety and that is the weakness. I can live with it though, I know that I'm getting better and better at this and the next project will be better still!!!

I keep thinking I have to write more to get another project going. I have written a total of about 2 pages...at most. I have to get in gear!! Again...

Life Is Sweet!!!

What a contrast from the time I started this blog in November.

Today I'm meeting my partner for lunch to get the logistics down for tomorrow's all day shoot.

Locker is still in the editing stage and moving along.

Yes! It is sweet right now!

Sometimes Perfection!

Yessir!

Sometimes things fall just right and everything seems complete! Those are the times when you can actually sit back and smile a bit!

Tomorrow is payday!
My tax return is due early next week!
This is a three day weekend and I extended it by one day by taking off tomorrow!
Today I used my Coffee Card so it was a free coffee day!!!

Yep! Simple pleasures are the best!!!

OH....and the duck thinks he is a goat;)

Star Wars And You

Yes its a double post day here in Blogland!
I just returned from seeing Star Wars. What can I say? It was the best of the second trilogy. However it is not without flaws. IMHO that is. Afterall I only have a couple of films to my credit while Lucas owns the world.

That doesn't mean I don't know what makes a good movie though. As in most of George's films the dialogue is the weak part...well and the way they are plotted out. If you want a deep scifi movie with lots of metaphysical deep meaning see...The Matrix. If you want an over abundance of cgi action going on in every single square inch of the screen followed by mundane writing in scenes where you really don't care what is happening followed by more over blown action and then drift back to the mundane scenes again see Star Wars.

Allow me to expand upon this.

You start off with a action scene in space that has so much going on that you really don't know who to root for and then when you might catch a glimpse of what you are supposed to be seeing it is all gone in a blinding flash of...more action. Yes there is ships, lasers, motion...all of this and more with frenetic movement and exciting music which will almost make you yawn. It is like sensory overload and there is just too much happening too fast to make any kind of connection with what is happening.

However there is a ton happening! There is so much happening in the backgrounds that really nothing is happening! The cities are on what seem a planetary scale with amazing night scapes of the city lights with ships and people moving every single direction you can move. However keep in mind there is an intergalactic war going on and it seems that no one cares, not even when the massive Jedi Temple is attacked you might think with all of that technology there might be some kind of response of emergency workers or at least a brief moment of silence.

The rooms that people exist in are beautiful and massive but with all of this luxury to look at there is honestly very little there to look at. There is a huge illusion of activity with nothing behind it and no purpose for it. That can also be said for the intergalactic war, you don't know who to root for and it really makes no difference. The war is just a McGuffin to propel the story of Anakin's fall to the dark side.

There is a lot of good about this movie, the final duel is chilling and very well done. The extermination of the Jedi is very well done and Obi Wan riding the giant iguana is very cool!

For The Goats, A Duck...

For anyone who knows me and where I live they also have seen the house on my block with the pets in the yard. All of the pets.

It is very nice and unique.

There is a lady who loves animals. For the most part she will have a yard full of dogs, usually small dogs but sometimes a larger dog will be in her fence. At one time she had about 8 goats and a couple of dogs. That was a long time ago but now she has goats again!

Well as I was driving home the other day I slowed down a bit to watch what mischief the neighborhood goats were up do when I saw...A BABY DUCK!


The cutest little fuzzy duck waddling behind one of the goats!!!

It was a "AAaaa" moment.

Yes it is those little bits of happiness that make life much better and warmer for me:) Want another one? Sure!

Tuesday I had gone to get some groceries on the West side of town and was on one of the main streets called Owen K. Garriott well I hit Van Buren and the light was green, then I proceeded to hit every single intersection with a GREEN LIGHT!!!! It was GREAT!!! I was almost tap dancing in my seat!!! Well you know what I mean!!!

I'm Learning Things!

Yes I am, I have learned that my rough cut needs a new perspective right now. I'm still about 25 minutes into Locker and then I hit a wall.

I was stuck for some reason!

So a friend who loves working on stuff like this volunteered to give me a hand and digitize the footage and give it a shot to see if they enjoy editing or not.

Really not a lot too post today but that is the latest news on Locker!

Good Friday!

Hello all of you out there in blog land!!

Well I'm about ready to head over to Chris's to film some makeup tests and watch the rehearsals. It has been raining all day...which I love! Fast moving clouds that are low in the sky, huge rain drops, and nice cool weather!!!

To top that off I got new tires (which I really REALLY needed!!!), news that my day job will be secure for years to come, and it's payday Friday!!!

There are only a couple of things I could think of to make it a better day!!!

I have to get going now, I'm supposed to be there in about five minutes!!!

I hope you all out there have had a better day than I have and mine has been pretty good!!!

My Monday

Well I took off today to get my power steering fixed however for those of you who are familiar with me you have to know there is more to the story than a simple fix so here goes.

I scheduled this last Friday to get a bracket welded and have my Suburban serviced. It is a diesel so you have to be good about making sure the oil is changed and it will run forever.

So I'm at home and about ready to get going when I hear a VERY loud bang and my electricity goes out. A transformer has blown up close by and so now I was without power. So I decide to mow the lawn. A good way to pass the time and get things all cleaned up around the outside. I'm not that big on lawn care so it goes about two weeks between mowings. Well I also had some saplings around my foundation that needed to be cut down so I borrowed a chainsaw and got to cutting! Well I'm sure my arm will grow back soon, the blood wasn't that bad.

Just kidding. No injury at all. I did well, got things cut down and my lawn cut! I bought some Roundup and sprayed around the foundation and fence lines. So the lawn is going to look decent before long when the weeds die out.

Anyway I get to the repair shop to find out the guy who welds wasn't there today which is why I brought it in to begin with but no big deal. I get it serviced anyway and will just bring it back to get the bracket welded and the belt changed. So with an hour to kill I decide to go get some food and hope that my electricity is back on when I get back home. So I walk downtown and have plenty of places to choose from so I go to Callahan's, it is close by and they have good food. I get there about 11:30 and order a Chicken Ceasar Salad....with Thousand Island dressing (you should have seen the look from the waitress when I said that instead of the standard Ceasar dressing that comes on a Ceasar salad) but I got Thousand Island anyway and an ice tea.

My food comes and all is right with the world. I finish up and decide I still have plenty of time to go so I order a Tequila Sunrise. I get it and take the first drink and then unconsciously look at the clock and it is still before noon and I think, "This is the first time I have ever had a drink before noon!" And it was true, I've never had a drink before noon!!! Ever!!! So now that I have that out of the way I finished up and walked the few blocks back to the shop. It was just a couple of minutes from being finished! Great timing!

So since the owner isn't there my friend can't make a ticket so he tells me all is good and I can pay when I get the bracket welded up. So I drive away with the power steering still squealing but I can live with that until I get it welded this week. So I get home and to my surprise my electricity is BACK ON!!! Incredible!!!

So it has been a pretty nice morning so far and very productive!!!

I like days like this!!!!

I'd Like To Think

That I'm a minimalist. I'd like to be able to think that all I need is a small house, a fire to read by, and some running water.

I know that I'm not though. I know I need electricity, I know I need the net, I know I need so many of the modern conviences such as a refrigerator, soap, and a microwave.

Yes I would like to think that I could just be thrown into the wilderness with a tent, rifle, and a knife and be able to live just fine but I'm lying to myself.

I would like to think I'm a very simple person and in a few ways I am but the truth is I'm not. The truth is that I'd like to have a nice house and a reliable vehicle to transport my film equipment from shoot to shoot that I'm directing.

My fantasy is that I would like to be able to deal with any situation at any time in a fair way that makes everyone happy. The truth is that it isn't possible and when such a situation arrises more than likely I'm going to make someone pretty upset.

My fantasy is that I could live the rest of my life dependent upon only myself. The truth is that even I need human contact and to be surrounded by friends, even though I'm very comfortable in my own skin I accept the need and desire to have brilliant conversations and stimulating friendships. No it isn't a weakness at all, it is just the way I'm built as are most people. I freely admit to crying while watching Frank Capra films. Feel like laughing at me about it? That's fine, I'm who I am.

My fantasy is that Lynyrd Skynyrd's Simple Man sums me up pretty well. The truth is that it simply doesn't.

My fantasy is that I'm as physicaly tough as I used to be. The truth is that I'm not. My hands aren't as quick, I don't hit as hard, and I get winded much faster than I used to.

My fantasy is that I could invent a time machine to travel back and correct my life's mistakes. The truth is that even if I could I don't know if I'd like who I am now without all of those bad decisions to give me the pain that defines my character and integrity.

My fantasy life and my reality life have vast differences. So the next time you see me you can just imagine what I'm thinking;)