When Does Being Mature Start?

Tonight I’m feeling some age. It’s always made me wonder why I always wanted to be older when I was young. I couldn’t wait to be a year older. I wanted the next milestone, the next grade, the driver’s license, the graduation, the drinking age.

When I was in elementary I wanted to be in high school, when I was in high school I wanted to be in my own and supporting myself. Now I want the next phase, whatever that may be. A new slate, a new  career, a new X.

Meanwhile, in my thoughts I feel I’m always about twenty eight. I still game while talking comics with friends and maybe trying to gather another D&D group one day. I binge watch cartoons as a reward for finishing my week’s worth of homework each module, that makes me feel like I’m 8.

Once in a while life creeps up and tells me I’m older than I believe I am. My knees tell me I can’t bend that low anymore. The age in my eyes tells me maturity is only a state of mind while thinking maybe today that unexpected event happens and everything changes. One day it will.

The experienced part of me wonders how my carefully planned next four years will disappoint me and give me yet another spectacular failure seasoned with regrets. Twenty six years. June 15, 2018 is my twenty sixth year at my job which leaves me four years to go before I’m eligible for my pension. I’ve been counting this down since 2000 when we got the pension at work rather than an employer 401k contribution.

There’s so much to do and so little time.