Hurting

For those of you who know me I've got a question for you.

Am I a bad guy? You might mention I'm a little quirky or crazy, I'll give you that. Everyone is a little bit of their own crazy I guess. I would like to think I'm a stable crazy at least.

Well I'm hurting this morning. Worse than I originally thought I would, pretty badly in fact. I let myself feel something I was afraid to feel in almost two years and that was hope. I had been talking to someone that I really grew to like and enjoy. We passed the days at work with email conversations that really helped me get through the day and I started to do something foolish and that was hope that I had a brighter future than I actually do. I was really really liking what we had going. It has been a long time since someone took an interest in me and this felt good.

Did anyway.

Hope hurts dear gentle readers, it sneaks up on you and says, "This is good, relax!" then when you think things are going one way it smacks you around and tells you to wake up, you're stupid.

Yeah, not feeling good today at all. Well at least I have the next twelve hours to think about why I'm not good enough, that should help. I'll be exhausted by the end of the day and it'll be easy to get to sleep, I didn't get much last night.

I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm whining. I'm really not, I'm not a self pitying kinda guy. I'm just really hurt and confused now and it feels like I'm going no where really really fast.

This sucks.